Our Notion of Fun...

If you were to ask, most people would like to have more fun in their lives.  One of the criteria that is part of The Happiness Process asks 'What was, or will be, a fun activity in my day?'  I notice that I write about fun less often than other criteria such as gratitude and meaning and sharing.  In thinking about this, I have started to examine my notion of fun and find it to be narrow in scope.  This is entirely of my own doing.  I have made up an idea of fun that includes social interaction, laughter and physical activity, the kind of thing that we observe when children are playing.  We are encouraged by 'experts' to reconnect to our inner child to have more fun.  There is no question that I can increase my fun by seeking out situations that include the key criteria.  

What is more important, I have learned, is to notice and appreciate all of the things that are, or can be, enjoyable.  For example, when I take the time to read a good novel, to savour it rather than to feel that the time could be better spent doing something more productive, I am having a good time.  When I get lost in a renovation project that requires innovation to modernize an existing plumbing and electrical system, I am having a good time.

'Having Fun' as a category to write about in The Happy Heart Journal has made me aware of my notion about fun and, by association, I am more likely to examine other aspects of my life that I hold on to.  By noticing, I can appreciate them more fully or I can let them go. [Russell] 

The Gross International Happiness Index

"On this first International Day of Happiness, let us reinforce our commitment to inclusive and sustainable human development and renew our pledge to help others.  When we contribute to the common good, we ourselves are enriched.  Compassion promotes happiness and will help build the future we want."  - Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon for the International Day of Happiness. 20 March 2013.

An article in The Toronto Star by Carol Goar on September 12, 2013 gives some context to the notion of the importance of happiness "the collective well-being of people" as an indicator of a country's progress.  The second World Happiness Report has just been released and the article provides some highlights of the findings which are pretty interesting.

I am personally fascinated by the coincidence of the launch of my book Twenty One Days to a Happy Heart within a day of the first International Day of Happiness.  I am grateful to be an active participant in such a worthy and important endeavour. [Russell]

Check out the links for more information:

 http://www.un.org/en/events/happinessday/sgmessage.shtml

http://www.thestar.com/opinion/commentary/2013/09/12/material_gain_wont_fix_unhappy_planet_goar.html

 

Worry is a habit

Worry is a habit.  It wastes energy.  A trite saying is 'don't worry, be happy'.  For chronic worriers, this would be something else to worry about.  A more useful way to deal with worry is the following:  there are events in life over which we have control.  Since we are in control, there is no need to worry.  There are also events in life over which we have no control.  Since we are not in control, there is no need to worry.  Worry is therefor needless as well as wasteful of energy. [Russell]

Stephen Covey - 12 Things Happy People do Differently.

  1. Express Gratitude: When you appreciate what you have, that you have appreciates in value. If we aren’t thankful for what we already have, we will have a hard time ever being happy.
  2. Cultivate Optimism: People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times.
  3. Avoid over-thinking and social comparison: Comparing yourself to someone else can be poisonous. The only person you should compare to yourself is yourself before now.
  4. Practice acts of kindness: Selflessly helping someone is a super powerful way to feel good inside.
  5. Nurture social relationships: The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships.
  6. Develop strategies for coping: It helps to have healthy strategies for coping pre-rehearsed, on-call, and in your arsenal at your disposal (like an affirmation).
  7. Learn to forgive: Harboring feelings of hatred is horrible for your well being.
  8. Increase flow experiences: Flow is a state in which it feels like time stands still. It’s when you’re so focused on what you’re doing that you become one with the task. Nothing is distracting you or competing for your focus.
  9. Savor life’s joys: Deep happiness cannot exist without slowing down to enjoy the joy.
  10. Commit to your goals: Magical things start happening when we commit ourselves to doing whatever it takes to get somewhere.
  11. Practice spirituality: When we practice spirituality or religion, we recognize that life is bigger than us. We surrender the silly idea that we are the mightiest thing ever.
  12. Take care of your body: Taking care of your body is crucial to being the happiest person you can be.

[Recommendation from Angie]

Image of myself...

Dr. Maxwell Maltz, author of the best seller "Psycho-Cybernetics" wrote, "The goal of any psychotherapy is to change an individual's image of himself."  (quoted from Being Happy - Andrew Matthews).

Easy to say, tough to do.  Where does one start?  There are so many demands on our time and we have so many habits around our self image.  My conscious brain looks at the world optimistically. My subconscious brain has had the habit of thinking about what I don't like and what I don't want to do.  My subconscious has, up to now, been in the driver's seat.  

The transformation has come from writing in My Happy Heart Journal every day about being happy with what I have (gratitude), finding meaning in every day, and noticing and celebrating daily achievements.  This has shifted my subconscious brain to be more integral with my conscious brain and my energy is used for enjoyment of life rather than wishing it were so.  The change has been natural since I had no goal to improve my self-image.  My resulting self-image of being a happy, rather than a somewhat sad person is extraordinary. [Russell] 

Dalai Lama XIV

Happiness from quotes from
The Dalai Lama XIV

"Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it.  I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings.  I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others.  I am going to benefit others as much as I can."

"Only the development of compassion and understanding for others can bring us the tranquility and happiness we all seek."

"We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves." 

Being in charge of Life.

As youngsters others were primarily in control of our lives, namely parents, teachers and perhaps other siblings to some extent.  Depending on the nature of that control we flourished or languished until the moment when we started to take charge.  Eventually,for most, there came a point when we took complete responsibility for the direction of our lives.  The influence of that early control, benevolent or wrong headed, undoubtedly shaped our path to a great extent.

In my case, with a mean spirited man as my mother's then mate, the influence was one of fear and dread.  Initially the fear and dread was about him.  At age thirteen I stood up to him and was able to dispel the fear and dread of him personally.  The fear and dread which was programmed into me has persisted for more than 50 years as a background noise that was easily triggered by normal setbacks and other less than perfect feedback.  It didn't feel any different than the fear of him personally.

While I was in charge of most of the economic and practical aspects of my life, I was not in charge of my happiness which was constantly sabotaged by ordinary events.  By daily practicing The Happiness Process, I am now in charge of one of the most important and sought after states of being.  HAPPINESS. [Russell]

Wanting what we have

My flash of insight for today is that happiness is an ideal.  Ideals are ideas of perfection and as such are for the most part unattainable.  As we get closer to the original idea, our brains can imagine all sorts of improvements and the ideal changes.  This can be very frustrating and can cause feelings of inadequacy, guilt, anger and fear, to name a few responses to having the goal posts moved just as you are getting close.  Alternatively, making progress toward an ideal and celebrating the progress produces feelings of accomplishment, positiveness and satisfaction.  

"The Happiness Process" has a focus on "wanting what we have" through gratefulness and noticing progress by writing about intentional daily achievement, first by naming goals or wins and second by recording achievement of the goals and wins.  

Having personally practiced The Happiness Process for 242 consecutive days, I am happier and quite excited to have the insight that happiness is an ideal.  It explains a lot of the magic of The Happiness Process. [Russell] 

Excerpt from "You Can Be Happy No Matter What"

The following is an excerpt from "You Can Be Happy No Matter what." By Richard Carlson, Ph.D.
"Happiness!  It's something that all of us want, but that few of us achieve.  It is characterized by feelings of gratitude, inner peace, satisfaction, and affection for ourselves and others.  Our most natural state of mind is one of contentment and joy.  The barriers or obstructions that keep us from experiencing these positive feelings are learned negative processes that we have innocently come to accept as "necessary," or as "just the way life is."  When we uncover these inherent positive feelings, and remove the obstructions keeping us from them, the result is a more meaningful and beautiful experience of life."
"In this nicer state, life seems less complicated and our problems are lessened.  The reason: When we feel better we have more access to our own wisdom and common sense.  We tend to be less reactive, defensive and critical; we make better decisions and we communicate more effectively."
Richard Carlson had me at "it is characterized by feelings of gratitude, inner peace... He goes on...
"The best way to uncover these deep positive feelings within yourself is to begin to understand their source...You will learn to detect and protect yourself from the psychological obstructions that have kept you from these positive feelings-those insecure thoughts that you have learned to take too seriously."
Having read this book many years ago, I am sure it made sense at the time but nothing noticeably changed for me.  I took very seriously the psychological obstructions that kept me from these positive feelings and can recite hundreds, if not thousands of them.  Knowing them for me made it worse since I now had more precise information to beat myself with. The breakthrough for me was to notice that the two opposing powerful feelings of fear and happiness, while stimulated by thoughts are actually physiological responses to the production of naturally occurring drugs in the body, namely adrenaline on the fear spectrum and endorphins on the happiness spectrum.  This gave me direct access to happiness without spending any more time detecting and removing obstructions.  By engaging in a daily Happiness Process I gain direct access to the results Richard Carlson describes.
Richard Carlson's book has a very different impact as I re-read it.  The words are no longer just words but connect in a 'now I get it' kind of way. [Russell]

 

Self Sharing

In his new book, CONTAGIOUS, Jonah Berger talks about the importance of self-sharing.  He poses the question as to why people talk so much about their own attitudes and experiences.  He responds as follows:  "It's more than just vanity; we're actually wired to find it pleasurable.  Harvard neuroscientists Jason Mitchell and Diana Tamar found that disclosing information about the self is intrinsically rewarding."

Young children are completely self-centric as they explore and learn about their world.  With good mentoring they learn to be alert and caring about others.  We all know people who are selfish and people who are selfless.  The latter seem to be valued more in our culture.  

Perhaps the tweeting generation know something important.  Self-sharing contributes to their happiness. [Russell]

 

Thought Association

I noticed that I was smiling as I exercised on the treadmill this morning.  While I was on a thought adventure at the time, it was not the prompt.  I recalled another consistent thought association which occurs when I use a squeegee to remove excess water from the tile after my shower.  It is also known, for example, that memory enhancement  techniques associate the item to be remembered with an object in the room.  I had been practicing my smile on the treadmill over several weeks and this morning it showed up by association with the treadmill all by itself.  Nice!  [Russell]

When You're Smiling...

When you're smiling the whole world smiles with you is a well known lyric.  We all know it to be true.  If you smile at a stranger anywhere in the world the odds are high that they will return the smile.  Maybe it will brighten their day and the smile will be passed along.  What has happened, nonetheless, is that some endorphins (happy drugs) have been produced naturally in the bodies of the smilers producing a happiness effect, however small it may be. This is a natural resource of incredible potential.  Every one of us is capable of smiling a lot more than we do.  So why don't we?  Are there not enough things to smile about?  Are we too preoccupied with the seriousness of life?  Are we just not in the habit of smiling?  I will smile spontaneously in a variety of situations.  For business purposes it is a natural reflex since I like the people.  Smiling at strangers is a choice.  If I am preoccupied, I don't normally wear a smile.  When I remember to smile, my preoccupation disappears and the magic happens.  

Smiling works.  I will remember to smile to improve the happiness of the world, my own included. [Russell] 

Judgement Revisited

I did a small experiment by keeping track for a day of the judgements I make about people and things.  A simple example is noticing a person smoking.  As a non-smoker, I have a number of stereotypical judgements that pop to mind none of which had anything to do with me me since the person was observed at a distance.

  Because I was conscious of having such judgemental thoughts and comments, the number of incidences was undoubtedly fewer than had I not been watching myself.  I am sure that I missed noticing some as well.

What I learned from the experiment is that judgement gets in the way of enjoyment of life.  If I make a judgement that I don't like a particular style of architecture, for example, I have automatically prevented any opportunity to discover something different.

When I remember to be non-judgemental, I am more open to new experiences. [Russell]

Judgement

Most definitions of the word judgement suggest the examination of evidence to make a decision.  This is most clearly demonstrated in a legal environment where judges or juries have a responsibility to mete out justice based on the facts of the matter.

The word has other meanings which are best understood by adding modifiers or endings.  If we add an "al"  as in judgemental or "stand in" as stand in judgement, the meaning tilts towards "a way of making oneself feel better by hurting others" or "displaying an excessively harsh or critical point of view".

I like to see myself as a very accepting person until I monitor the 'judgements' or 'opinions' I have about people and things.  For example, I notice untidy yards in my neighbourhood and am likely to comment on them if there is someone within hearing or I make a mental note of it.  Is this an observation or a judgement?  The truth for me, since I value order and tidiness, is skewed towards a critical point of view.  The owner of the home is not necessarily hurt by my mental note, but whoever I made the comment to may now have a negative view of the neighbour.  

How many of these judgements do we make in a typical day about others and about ourselves?  Are they helpful or potentially hurtful?  How can we experience the world through observation, acceptance, and support rather than through judgement rooted in our early programming and natural self-centredness? [Russell] 

Setbacks

Setbacks are different than failure but our primitive brain does not differentiate and can pour out the fear drugs in a heartbeat.  I had a setback yesterday in the late afternoon at the end of a very productive and rewarding day.  The email caused an instantaneous sinking of my heart felt viscerally in my body.  The emotional response was way out of proportion to the nature of the setback.  The Happy Heart Process has quickly restored my energy.

The incident reminded me of a lesson I learned from our 6 year old grandson.  We were playing Chutes and Ladders and I noticed that his energy was equally high when he slid down the long chute from the top almost back to the starting point as it was when he got to up the big ladder which accomplished the reverse.  I wondered if an adult had coached him and learned it was not the case.  In subsequently observing his playing I noticed that when he came down the long chute his excitement came from his stated observation that he only need to roll a four in order to get to the square on the board that would take him back up the long ladder.  I noticed also the variety of lengths of the chutes and ladders and the fact that no chute took him back to the starting point.

The parallels to life are obvious when using your thinking brain to notice them.  Wouldn't it be nice if we could have the immediate excitement for the next opportunity I observed in our grandson. [Russell] 

Brian's Happy Story

It’s an interesting thing the “knock on” effects of doing [My Happy Heart Journal].

When I first started I thought let’s give me something to aim for so I’m looking to do this for the next 25 years

I’ve entitled it – Twenty One Days to a Happy Heart, A 25 year Journal starting May 2013 (age 58) and finishing May 2038 (age 84)

I figure it would also be a good thing for my kids to read (if they were remotely interested!) later in life or indeed when I’m gone

Some key things I’ve noticed;-

Writing this first thing in the morning (often quite early) gives me a clarity and pathway for the day that I haven’t had before.

It gives me the chance to think what is planned for the day.

Then I have the actual experience itself

Then when I write about it the next day, I have the chance to experience it a third time.

Also a number of things I put down, in particular from the “Brain Adventure” I then copy over to my diary/project planner as an actual  idea to put into effect

I’m enjoying doing the HHJ each day, I'm sure it’s making me a nicer person and more “attractive” to people as of course, people are drawn to happy people.

Thanks Brian

Synchronicity

A radio program presented the idea of synchronicity.  The way that people automatically get in synch when they walk together is an example.  Synchronicity in fireflies was noticed and recorded in the 1500's.  Millions of fireflies would blink on and off in unison, lighting up the trees like Christmas lights.  One of the most interesting stories was of a heart patient.  He had a mechanical heart valve, which after several years was replaced by one of soft tissue.  He had become accustomed to the rhythmic clicking of the mechanical valve and the absence of the sensation caused him to suffer profound anxiety from the fear that the valve wasn't working and that he was dying even though there were no other symptoms.

The program was a reminder of the importance of the natural rhythms that we take for granted until they are disrupted.  It helps to explain our discomfort with change. [Russell]

 

An experiment idea II

My experiment to note the fear inducing thoughts brought interesting and somewhat expected results.  Firstly, there were three only.  By writing them down the moment they occurred put them out of my mind.  I was free of the residual emotion.  I noticed also that once written down, I made an immediate decision as to whether action was required.  My little experiment reinforced what I know about my brain - 1.  The disproportionate impact that random thoughts can have on a person's well being whether as an overt feeling of fear or a residual background fear over a longer period of time.   2.  I can free my mind of this annoying program with a very simple action. [Russell]

An experiment idea I

I am fortunate that most of my fear is made up in my head.  For others who are facing health issues, financial or legal issues, the fear has some tangible external consequences.  Fear drugs are produced in either case and interfere with enjoyment of life.  While my subconscious programming responsible for my made up fear is very powerful, I had the idea to try an experiment which examines the facts associated with my fear generating thoughts. As a start I will write down the fear inducing thoughts as they occur and experiment with some criteria by way of establishing a reality check.  Should be interesting and maybe even useful. [Russell]